OPEN THE BOX.
The world wasn't good enough for Killian.
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
I was a freshman in community college. We'd graduated high school together, but after senior year he called it quits. 12 years were enough.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
He could've gotten into any college easily, despite his living conditions. From the time I'd spent with him, I knew he never bothered to study, yet graduated with a 4.0 GPA and credits to spare. But college wasn't even an afterthought.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
Throughout grade school, he was the quiet kid. He remained blunt and borderline antisocial to everyone but me. I don't know what he saw in me that was any different, but he tolerated me, and that was enough.
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
With all that in mind, I decided it would be counterproductive to try and get him into college.
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
There were his deadbeat parents to think about. I never met them, since Killian couldn't have anyone over with them around. He called them 'bonkers', which was his way of saying alcoholic, neglectful and unhinged.
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
The one time I went to his house was when they were out of town. Killian never said why. But he was home alone for 'a week, but probably more'.
WELCOME TO THE END.
I knew he'd get himself killed alone, so I went over. Evidently, I wasn't helping.
OPEN THE BOX.
December 23, 2009. It was late evening, and snow was lightly covering everything. I lived on college campus in a dorm not too far from his neighborhood. But it wouldn't be a fun walk, so I drove.
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
I arrived at his address. It was one of those bland neighborhoods were every house is made of the same beige stucco, but the house numbers were clearly marked.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
I walked up to the door to knock, but felt unsure for some reason. I sent him a text.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
*Im here is the door open
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
He responded a moment later.
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
*no but the window is ill kncok
*knock
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
Surely enough, a window near the side of the house was banged against from inside.
WELCOME TO THE END.
I walked to the sound. Killian pushed the window open. I could only see half of his face. His eyes were half shut as if he had been sleeping.
OPEN THE BOX.
"Uh, how do I..." He promptly thrust his hands out the window for me to grab. He pulled me up as I awkwardly crawled up the wall.
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
"Thanks," I said, awkwardly pulling myself through the window.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
"Mhm." he responded quietly.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
I glanced around and realized we were in a laundry room. The lights flickered every so often, and the musty smell of old detergent filled the air. The two of us were on top of a washer and dryer set, of which the dryer was running and shaking violently.
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
Killian sat across from me on said dryer, wrapped in a large blanket. His dark hair was messed up slightly.
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
"So whatcha doing... in your laundry room?" I asked, shutting the window to keep cold air out.
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
"Sleepin."
WELCOME TO THE END.
"Well yes I assumed that. Why are you in the laundry room?"
OPEN THE BOX.
He shrugged. "It's just better. Than the rest of the rooms, I mean."
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
We were both silent for a moment.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
"Why are you here?" He continued.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
"Oh. Well. I mean, that's what friends do. Hang out and stuff."
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
"Hm."
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
"...And, if I'm being honest, I'm... a little worried about you. Sorta."
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
Killian thought for a second about that. Then he stood up.
WELCOME TO THE END.
"You're silly," he muttered. As if on cue, the dryer came to a stop. He opened it and pulled out another blanket, promptly giving it to me.
OPEN THE BOX.
"Oh. Uh, thanks." I said. It was really warm from being in the dryer. "Do you want this one instead?"
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
He propped himself back up on the dryer and gave me a funny look.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
"No that's okay. I'm not that cold." He said, visibly shaking from the cold.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
"Shut up and take it"
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
He reluctantly did, still giving me a weird look.
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
"So do you just hang out in here all the time?" I asked, crossing my legs.
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
"Mm, sorta. Yeah." He replied. "No one else comes in here unless they do laundry. Which isn't often."
WELCOME TO THE END.
I nodded. "Do you wanna go somewhere?"
OPEN THE BOX.
His eyes lit up, but he then hesitated. "Well... I dunno where we would go. Plus it's cold outside."
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
"I thought you weren't cold."
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
"I mean, I'm not. But outside it is."
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
I laughed. "Yeah okay. Well, I have the car, and I know where we could go. Something tells me you've never seen a city during Christmastime."
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
He stared off blankly like he was thinking again. "Lets... just stay for a few minutes I think. I sort of like just talking."
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
"Alright," I replied, smiling.
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
Another silent moment passed.
WELCOME TO THE END.
"Why'd you pick me?"
OPEN THE BOX.
I blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
"Like... you're the only person I talk to. Why do you stick around?"
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
"Well, why'd you let me?"
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
"Because you're the only person who bothered."
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
"Oh. Shit man, I thought you just hated everyone." I laughed in a not funny way.
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
He shrugged. "Other people are bad anyway, so it's alright I guess."
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
"Hm... well you have a price few can afford then!"
WELCOME TO THE END.
"Ah." He muttered, turning his head away. It was hard to tell his expression to start with in the dim light. He was not helping. But then again, neither was I.
OPEN THE BOX.
"I'm sorry was that weird"
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
"Nonono it's okay. I just... don't know how to respond to that." He laughed nervously.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
"Ehm."
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
Yet another moment of silence, this one significantly worse.
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
“Well hey, uh…” I started. “Nevermind. I don’t actually know what I was about to say.”
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
“Alright.”
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
“Um… I think I’ll go start the car. You can meet me out there when you’re ready I guess. Unless you don’t want to, of course…”
WELCOME TO THE END.
He nodded, still not looking at me.
OPEN THE BOX.
“Yeah.” I opened the window and slid back outside. It was still snowing. “Well, seeya I guess. In the car. Maybe.”
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
I walked briskly to the car, regretting everything I’d just said in the past minute. Why did I make it so awkward? We’d known each other since middle school, it shouldn’t have been like that. Maybe I’m just silly.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
I sat in the driver's seat, making sure to turn the heater on. I was twiddling my thumbs nervously for a minute, until my phone buzzed.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
*did you mean it
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
Ohhhhh man, I thought. How did I screw up this bad.
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
*If youre talking about what I think youre talking about, then yeah
*Why would i say that if i didnt
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
*pity
WELCOME TO THE END.
*Thats crazy bro
OPEN THE BOX.
*ur crazy
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
*But for real I mean it
*If something bad happened to you Id be so upset
*So stop saying stuff like that k?
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
*k
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
Sigh. I hoped that would fix everything out. It wasn’t that big of a deal.
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
Killian came outside a moment later. He was wearing black jeans and a T-shirt with some obscure band I'd never heard of. Dead Valley or something.
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
“Hi.” he said, getting in the passenger seat.
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
“Do you not have a jacket?” I asked.
WELCOME TO THE END.
“Uhh… I dunno. Maybe somewhere. It’s okay though.”
OPEN THE BOX.
“You’re crazy.” I muttered, looking in the backseat. Luckily I had a jacket there. It was light grey and too big for me. Killian was taller, so I figured it wouldn’t be too bad.
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
“Here, you’ll need it.” I said, giving it to him.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
“Thanks,” he said, putting it on. “So where are we going exactly?”
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
“Oh. Well, there’s downtown. It’s pretty decent. It’s usually pretty crowded though, so maybe not actually.”
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
“Okay.”
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
“Uh… There is a park near that area though that should be pretty empty. Or the boardwalk.”
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
“The what?”
WELCOME TO THE END.
“Oh, you’ve never been to that probably. Do you wanna go there?”
OPEN THE BOX.
“Hm… no.” he said. “Let’s do the park.”
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
“Aight.”
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
The drive was pretty quiet, besides various Christmas songs on the radio. It was okay though.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
“I liked that song.” Killian said at some point.
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
“I wasn’t listening. What was it?” I asked.
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
“Dunno the name. She kept saying ‘all I want for Christmas is you’.”
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
“That’s... the name of the song.”
WELCOME TO THE END.
“Oh.” he said. “Yeah, I suppose that would make sense.”
OPEN THE BOX.
That was all we said for the rest of the drive. At every red light when we were stopped, I couldn’t help but glance at him. He was fixated on watching everything we passed, so I don’t think he noticed when I did.
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
The lights on the street were thrice as vibrant in the snow. Killian’s face was brightened by them in a way I hadn’t seen before, both literally and figuratively. His usual tired expression seemed less sad in the way his eyes were lit up. They were dark, and could be both harsh and comforting. His pale, thin face was framed by soft, dark hair that came to his chin, and tended to fall over his eyes a bit. It was pushed back now.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
I wondered why I kept looking.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
It didn’t matter. I had to refocus on the road.
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
We arrived at the parking lot near the park. We were a few blocks away from the city square. I wanted to take him there at some point. I never got to.
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
We walked on a sidewalk lined with trees, each one wrapped in a different color of lights and caked with snow. Nobody else was around it seemed like, which was nice.
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
He still didn’t say anything. He just looked at everything we passed. I guess he really hadn’t seen this kind of stuff before.
WELCOME TO THE END.
“So… whatcha think?” I asked, breaking the silence.
OPEN THE BOX.
“I… I’ve seen snow before, but... not this way,” he said. “It’s pretty.”
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
We eventually found a bench and claimed it. Not like anyone else would have.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
“How are your classes and stuff going?” Killian asked, looking now at his hands.
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
“Oh, they're pretty good. Nothing crazy, yknow. I go in on Mondays, Tuesdays, um… Thursdays…”
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
“Tomorrow?”
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.
“Eh.” I glanced at my phone. “Oh shit you’re right, tomorrow is Thursday. Uh oh.”
WELCOME TO THE END.
“Do you have to go home?”
OPEN THE BOX.
“Ah, I probably should before it gets too late…” It was a quarter past 8 PM. “Shoot. I totally would’ve forgotten, thanks.”
HIDDEN UNDER PHLOX.
“Mhm.”
IF YOUR ONLY ESCAPE IS HEAVEN.
I hesitated to get up, though. We’d just barely arrived, and I didn’t want to leave him alone.
IS IT TRULY AN INDISCRETION.
“Um… If you want, you can stay the night at my place.” I offered. “Only if you want to, of course. If you don’t I can drive you back-”
DAYS PROLONGED AND CHRONIC.
“Sure.”
KEEP YOU EVER SO MYOPIC.
“Oh. Cool.” I said with relief that I had once again, not screwed everything over.
NO NEED TO MAKE AMENDS.