HOMEPAGE LIBRARY

Spoon was just your average teen bent on world domination. He liked to wear green military jackets and stuff. He drank way too much coffee.
He sat at his work space, typing random questions into Google. "how to be more intimidating when you're five-foot-three" Scowling, he picked at the band-aid on his chin, waiting for the slow internet to load.
Suddenly, seemingly coming from all directions, was the sound of 20 billion ukuleles.
Spoon frowned and stormed over to his window. "WHO THE CRAP IS PLAYING THEIR GUITAR EXTREMELY BADLY!!!??" he screamed.
The song only continued, louder yet, and lyrics started screaming right back at him. "SUNSHINE LOLLIPOPS AND RAINBOWS!!!!!!!" it sang out, extremely offpitched. "THE SONG IS BETTER NOW BECAUSE IT HAS A UKULELE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!"
"STOPPPPPPP!!!" Spoon groaned loudly, slamming his window shut. The sound still reverberated through his head annoyingly. That was all that bothered him, the fact that it was annoying. He could care less if he was deaf; he wouldn't have to listen to all the annoying people in the world. Including whoever was screaming this song at a frequency of 90 trillion to the 52nd power and sounding much like a dying squirrel or something
"TRALALAALLALAALAALALLALLALALLALLAAAAAAAAAA" it rang out. "IF YOU'RE NOT AFFECTED BY MY BRAINWASHING SONG, I'LL KILL YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS!!!...! OH WELL I HAVE ALMOST THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF EARTH UNDER MY COMMAND, BECAUSE LIL PUMP AND CHILDISH GAMBINO AND MARSHMALLOW ALL HELPED ME RIGHT THIS LIT SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUNSHINE LOLLIPOPS AND RAINBOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Spoon stopped in his tracks. "Under your command...?" he muttered to himself. "Wait, that means..."
Spoon dashed back to the window and hit it so hard that the glass flew straight out of the pane. "UM, NO!!!!!" he yelled.
By some unknown miracle, the song stopped. "What?" said the voice.
"I WILL BE THE ONLY ONE DOING ANY'ENTIRE POPULATION OF EARTH UNDER MY COMMAND' STUFF, THANKS!"
"What?" came the voice again in a sharp tone. This time it was more human and coming from right behind him.
He yelped and whipped around. Standing in the middle of the room was Lesley Gore. Spoon scowled. If you couldn't tell, he's a very scowl-y person. He wasn't scared that her eyes were blowing balls of plasma. He wasn't scared that she had just appeared in the middle of his room. He wasn't scared that she had just given him a death threat. "I'm sorry, what I said was, I will be the only one taking over the world."
She laughed. "Foolish child. I-"
"UM, NO. I'm practically an adult!"
Lesley looked at him funny. "I have returned from death. What makes you think a mortal such as yourself can defeat an all-powerful deity like me?"
"You're dead."
Lesley pursed her lips. "Can't argue with that. But still! I have more power than the entire human race combined!"
"Yeah, because we have, like, no power whatsoever. That doesn't give you much to compare to."
"Precisely my point! You are powerless! Ah... oh. I see what you're getting at now."
Spoon looked at her bluntly for a minute.
"Uhm, anyway! The world shall be mine!!" Lesley yelled.
"NOT ON MY WATCH!!" Spoon yelled. He picked up the vacuum cleaner that he had meant to use in his room (but didn't) and sucked her up into it, and threw it out the window, which was broken from when he smashed it in rage.
"Good, now we got that all taken care of..." he said. "I should probably start that army now." He grabbed his cool hat and a few of his super-duper-top-secretclassified world domination plans and swung himself over the windowsill.