HOMEPAGE LIBRARY

Luke didn't ever want to leave the house again- not after what happened at the grocery store. The entire scene was burned into his memory- the flower, the hallway, the sucker on the ground. And Lesley Gore. She had died like 50 years ago, hadn't she? How was she back? And what was with the flower?
Suddenly, from out in the front of the house where the street was, Luke heard someone screaming- not in fear, just screaming for the heck of it. Luke trudged out to the front porch.
Running down the road, screaming, was someone who looked like an 11-year-old wearing his dad's military uniform.
"Kid, will you hush up?" Luke yelled. The boy stopped and frowned angrily at him from across the street.
"T'M NOT A KID!!" he yelled. "I'M 16! I CAN LEGALLY DRIVE!"
"Something tells me you crashed the first car you tried to drive."
He was silent for a moment. "Yes, yes I did! Want to join my army?"
"Um, I don't think you're qualified to join the army for another year."
"Yes, but I'm not JOINING the army, I'm creating my own. So ya want to join or not?"
"Uh, what's it for?"
"World domination."
"What?"
"Or, you know, at least keeping Lesley Gore from doing it first."
Luke's eyes widened, and his face went pale. He ran across the street and picked up the kid and ran back across the street.
"PUT ME DOWNNNNNNNNN!!!!" he started screaming, hitting Luke with his military general hat.
"OW-OW-OW-" Luke ran into the house and locked the door.
"Are you trying to kidnap me or something?" he asked. "Because I know, uhm... karate."
"What's your name, kid?"
"Spoon. And stop calling me kid. I bet I'm older than you!"
"Actually I'm 17 so..."
Spoon muttered something inaudible that was probably rude. "So that means you can join the army."
"Yeah, technically-"
"Well, why don't you?! You wanna stop Lesley Gore, don't you?"
"How do you know Lesley?" said Luke.
"Eh, she just started playing this really annoying song, so I told her off but then she appeared in my room, so I sucked her into my vacuum cleaner and threw it out the window and now I'm here. So, is that a yes or a no?"
Luke sighed. "Yes. Sure. I-"
"Splendid! What's your name, private?"
"Uh, Luke-"
"Okie dokie!" said Spoon. "You may call me sergeant ultra-super-primechief of greatness. Or just Spoon, but the first one is preferred."
"Wait, lemme get this straight, your name is Spoon?"
Spoon scowled at him. "Yes. That is my name. Problem?"
"Like on your birth certificate and everything it says that."
"SHUT UP!!"
Luke held back laughter.
"Let's not talk about my name. If you make a big deal of it, you can call me sergeant ultra-super-prime-chief of greatness." said Spoon.
"Okay," said Luke. "So, uh, what should we do?"
Spoon's face lit up. "I'm so glad you asked!" he said, opening one of his super-duper-topsecret-classified world domination plans. The one he opened was the plan for paranormal activity/world domination.
"When did you make this oddly-specifically-relevant plan?" asked Luke.
"When you're bent on world domination, you have to be ready for anything. Including any ghosts, spirits, haints, etc. that may be opposing you." said Spoon. "So, from the very little yet clear information I have received directly from the source, A.K.A. Lesley Gore, she's a ghost and she's trying to take over the world. Which, precisely, is the only reason | am here."
"We already knew that though."
"And she's using her terribly positive songs to brainwash everyone. Also, she has supposedly gotten a bunch of famous rappers to help her, therefore making it into a much more efficient process, seeing as they've already done quite a portion."
"Okay." said Luke. "So what's the plan?"
Spoon grinned a surprisingly evil-looking smile that didn't really match his height, but made him look like he could easily get away with... Well anything. "First, we figure out where the center of it all is. Just an inference, but I believe it would be at Hollywood Studios."
"Why the crap would it be there?"
"Because THAT'S where all the celebrity drama happens, so the celebrities would have to go there, would they not? Seeing as Lesley's allied with today's most obnoxious celebs, they'd naturally go there."
"That.. That would make sense actually."
Spoon laughed, sounding a bit like a psycho. "So, my plan is, we fly out to Hollywood and cast a spell to banish her back to the Sad Ded Side."
"the sad ded side?" asked luke.
"Dont ask." said Spoon. "Anyway, we need to figure out how to cast a spell or something."
"Internet?"
Spoon coughed. "Please, the internet cant even give advice for short people."
i can see why you'd be searching that.. though Luke. "So what should we do then?" he said.
Spoon sat on the floor, deep in thought. "Do you have coffee? Be a good soldier and grab me some, thanks."
Luke sighed and went into the kitchen. Meanwhile Spoon continued to think... About things that were in no way whatsoever related to their problem.
Hot dogs are kinda gross sometimes. So is cauliflower. Is cauliflower just albino broccoli? I don't like broccoli either. Luke has a nice carpet. I hope no dogs peed on it before. Why am i thinking about that? I'd rather not know whether or not they did. I wonder if anyone else lives here. Hey that reminds me of how i will probably be alone forever. My life sucks a lot. Oh well. At least im not from the 19th century slum house. I mean i'd be dead by now
"Here's your coffee, uh, ultra-special-chief of greatness." said Luke.
"That's sergeant ultra-super-prime-chief of greatness. Thanks." he said, grabbing the coffee. "So, i..."
"What?"
"... i really don't know what to do. let's just improvise." Spoon reached into his pocket to see if there was anything in it. There was an empty gum wrapper and a paperclip. He started laughing quietly like a maniac.
"Um, what are you doing?" asked Luke.
"THIS!!" said spoon loudly. "This is they key to our dominat-i mean success!"
"How the crap are a paperclip and gum wrapper going to help us get rid of a ghost?"
"Isn't it obvious?! They didn't have gum or paperclips back then!!"
"I'm pretty sure they did, she's not that old."
"Our advancements in technology, ultimately superior, will overpower her, as her mind wont be able to handle its power!!"
"Its just a paperclip and a wrapper."
"Yes but watch." Spoon unbent the paperclip and stabbed it through the wrapper. Then he bent it back into a sort of disfigured O shape. Spoon raised the ring over his head, and yelled "KAME HAME HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!" He threw it onto the ground. Where the ring hit the floor, a large hole appeared, black and seemingly endless.
"Great job, you broke my floor-" started Luke.
"Let's jump into this black empty pit of despair that reminds me of my soul, and see what wonders await us!" said Spoon. Then they jumped in and died.
ALTERNATE ENDING
Spoon laughed, sounding a bit like a phsyco. Suddenly his smile faltered.
"What's wrong?" asked Luke.
"ААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААА ААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААА AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Spoon, sounding almost exactly like a 4 year old girl on steroids.
"CHILD SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" yelled Luke.
"DON'T CALL ME CHILD, I AM YOUR SUPREME EVIL OVERLORD."
"Whatever. Why are you screaming?"
"Because I just remembered Jojo Siwa is teamed up with Lesley Gore, and she's just as bad!"
"Oh." said Luke. Then they both started screaming.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" yelled Carol.
"Oh crap. Hi Carol." said Luke. "Uhh, this prepubecsent child is going to help us defeat Lesley Gore."
"im not a CHILD!!!!!!!!" Spoon screeched.
"Well you sure sound like one, and you're way too sh-"
"NO!" he yelled. "I'M NOT SHORT!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE NERDS."
He opened the front door. "Frickity-frack you guys." And he was gone.
"NICE JOB CAROL" said Luke. "Ehh he was annoying anyway."
So Carol and Luke went to watch TV.